


a false memory would be everything

by Fallenfromfaith



Category: Mabinogi (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, ao3 formatting is horrible, but not enough that i think it should be teen, oh theres a little swearing near the end, ruairi character study a little i guess?, some sibling bonding, the title really doesn't relate but you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:30:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6977758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenfromfaith/pseuds/Fallenfromfaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someday Ruairi is going to be lord of Emain Macha, but right now all he wants is to be a good brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a false memory would be everything

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to my Mabinogi friends! Thanks so much for supporting me in writing this! This fanbase is so small I'm not sure if anyone but them will actually see this, but hey, might as well put it up! I hope you enjoy!

It was always foggy in Emain Macha. In the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, even when the stars and moon were out, though you couldn’t see them well because of the fog. It was because the city was built on the lake, of course, but there were always legends as to explain away the science. The people of Emain Macha said it was because the goddess didn’t want anyone to see her ever again, not since the mortal she fell for saw her. She never wanted to allure anyone else into her grasp, she never wanted that kind of power again. Forever her twin would be covered in fog to protect it from the gaze of mortals.

Ruairi liked going out in the earliest hours of the morning, when the fog was thickest. He would put his hand in front of his face to see if the saying held true, but he always saw his hand spread wide.

Mornings in Emain Macha were soft and quiet. Merchants were waking up to set out on long journeys, farmers were rousing in their beds, almost ready to begin work, and Ruairi was in an alley, hand stretched in front of him. The quiet hum of the world stirring ever so slightly felt like a lullaby. His eyes would feel heavy, and he would miss the bed he snuck out of. He’d always stay in the alley (he picked a new one to hide in every day to decrease his chances of being caught) until he could see sunlight peaking through the fog. The sunshine would burn away enough fog to make the town visible enough to navigate.

On cloudy days, which came very often, it would get harder to see in the thick fog. But the people of Emain Macha were used to it, they thrived in it. Ruairi would hurry back to his bed with the sunlight as his guide. He would quickly throw off the rumpled clothes he’d force on, and replace them with the nightwear he had discarded by his bed. Then he’d lay his head back down to his pillow and close his eyes. Sometimes he would get to sleep a little while before a maid came in to wake him, sometimes he was only pretending to sleep, but he had mastered the art of yawning groggily and throwing the covers back over himself.

Ruairi loved his morning adventures. It made him feel at peace with the town, but more than that it made him feel at one with the town. Emain Macha would be his someday, whether he wanted it or not, and the thought made him want to press his cheek up against the cobblestone roads.

The lord title was something he couldn’t run from, it was a heavy crown pressed down upon his head every waking moment. It was hard to balance with the weight of gold and lives circled about his forehead. But, if he was to be a lord, then, he wanted to be apart of the town, apart of the land. He wanted to breathe in and feel his entire lordship breathe in with him. That was much more important than all the lessons he had to sit through during the day.

Armed with far more advanced curriculum than any other school house, Ruairi’s tutors would cram his head with as much information as they could. He was expected to learn court manners, he must act like a proper lord after all. Of course, he had to have the basic knowledge any other school child would know, and then some. World history, mathematics much more complicated than he’d ever have to use, great works of literature, everything seemed to be expected of Ruairi.

Ruairi’s personal favorite class was weapons, but he had to beg for that. It took a considerable amount of convincing his father that he would need fighting knowledge. He finally won over his father by saying he wanted to be the kind of lord that could protect his people. His father was moved, allowed Ruairi to be trained in swords, among other weapons.

Ruairi considered his lessons in combat much more useful than his lessons in anything else, and during those hours he was most happiest. He spent as much time as he could training his body to endure wielding a sword, and to endure anything that could be thrown at him.

He wanted to be a lord on his own terms. The kind of lord that could protect his people. The kind of lord that wasn’t just a lord but was Emain Macha. He and the city would be one, breathing and living and protecting. Sword of glinting metal would be what his people would remember him by. Not Ruairi the lord who could recite poetry, not Ruairi the lord who could do complicated equations in mere minutes, Ruairi, the lord who protected his people with all his might.

Ruairi wished it was weapons class, or the hours in the fog, or even family meals at the big, long table, which were always awkward and stiff, and not book lessons. He’d been left with a free hour, but by free his tutor meant read this book over proper dining etiquette. Maybe his father has told the tutors about Ruairi’s increasing embarrassment at meals.

It was just a meal, yet he had to sit just the right way, scoop his food up just the right way. It was ridiculous. And reading about it was worse. The book was worse than history books, at least history books had battles, dining etiquette just had silverware. Ruairi supposed he could use a knife in a pinch, but there was only butter knifes in the silverware high class aristocracy used. The real knifes were always on the food plates, used only to cut the meat. Upper class didn’t have to cut their own meat, it would be rude of them to anyway. Ruairi put his head on the pages of the book. No knife could make this book interesting anyway.

The library was quiet. The table the lord-to-be sat at was designated just for him and his studies. He wished the chair was also designated for him and his studies, because it had no cushion and the hardwood back of the chair made his own back ache. Every chair, it seemed, that was used for educational purposes was torture to sit on.

Windows stretched across the walls, showing some of the lake Emain Macha was settled on, as well as the town. All those people were going to be Ruairi’s to protect. He closed his eyes. The small spoon is only used for tea, never for soup. Stir your tea up to three times, never more, more is excessive, more is barbaric. Something about the proper way to fold a napkin, but there are hundreds of different ways depending on the situation The library's hum wasn’t as alluring as the town’s, it wasn’t a lullaby he wanted to fall asleep to, but he was never very picky about lullabies.

“Oh!” Ruairi’s head shot up from it’s book pillow to see the red headed boy who had made the small sound of surprise. Rian was standing with thick books clutched to his chest. The boy seemed to fit perfectly in with the library. Soft, warm, filled with quiet sadness that Rurari longed to scratch out and replace happiness with. Why did most books in the library end with sorrow. Sure, most of the books weren’t fairy tales or fiction, they were real life accounts, but even the books on plants and medicine seemed to end bleakly. Did real life always end so sadly? Not this book, Ruairi decided when he looked up to his little brother’s widened eyes, this one book in the library will have a happy ending.

“I didn’t know you were in here,” Rian explained.

“I was given a free hour,” Ruairi added air quotes, “so I was enjoying it with this nice book on table manners.”

“Is it interesting?” Rian asked, leaning forward.

“Not at all,” Ruairi pushed his chair out with a screech.

“Ah,” Rian adjusted the books in his grasp “It didn’t sound like it, but maybe if you were better at table manners…”

“What are you reading?” Ruairi cut in. He would not be lectured on proper eating by his brother. Rian was just naturally gifted with good table etiquette.

“Some books on lore,” Rian’s eyes lit up. Ruairi always pictured Rian when the phrase “their eyes lit up” came up in books. Rian’s eyes could go from dull and dead brown trees to a forest alive and well, you just had to know the magic words.

“Is that for your studies?” Ruairi asked, a teasing smirk on his face as he freed himself from the torture chair.

Rian looked down, as he was known to do, “N-no, but-” his eyes were already up and locked fiercely on Ruairi, “I swear I did everything I was assigned today! I even got ahead! And I have permission so-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Ruairi shook his head, “I’m all for playing hookie.”

Rian sucked in air to puff his cheeks out ever so slightly, “I know Ruairi.”

“I know how to eat just fine, I don’t have to study it,” Ruairi pushed his chair in with another loud screech. The libiran was probably thrilled with that, but it was his designated study area after all. He could do whatever he wanted, he was the lord, and if he wanted to screech his horrible chair against the hardwood then he was going to.  


Rian giggled a little. It was a productive day then, if Ruairi could make his little brother happy.  


“Those are way too big for you to be carrying,” Ruairi said, extending his arms to steal the books from Rian.  


“I got it,” Rian pulled the books closer to him protectively, “Rurari, shouldn’t you at least study something else?”  


“How about lore?” Ruairi kept his arms extended expectantly. Rian stuck his tongue out at him.  


“How about gardening then?” Ruairi let his arms fall to his sides. Rian raised his eyebrow in a way that had to be deliberate. “Let’s sneak into the garden and play tag.”  


“Ruairi, we aren’t children!” Rian scolded. He was twelve now and had no time to play childish games. He was an adult, he had to be mature and responsible.  


“Well, I’m not,” Ruairi gave a coy head tilt, one of his specialties.  


Rian frowned aggressively, which was another victory. If Ruairi could annoy his little brother, then it was a productive day.  


“C’mon, it’ll just be like when we were little…..er” Rurari grinned mockingly. Rian pouted his cheeks ever puffier.  


“It seems some of us are still little,” he huffed.  


“Ouch,” Ruairi put the palms of his hands facing Rian in defeat, “You don’t have to be so harsh on yourself.”  


Rian took his precious books and whacked Ruairi on the arm. Hard.  


“Owe! Rian, don’t injure the books!” Ruairi yelped, “Or your brother!”  


“The books are tougher than that,” Rian reassured him, “My brother isn’t.”  


“You’re being so mean,” Ruairi stuck his lower lip outward.  


“You should be studying,” Rian said, ignoring Ruairi’s puppy dog demeanor.  


“Please, go into the garden with me Rian. You can read me your lore books, like a fairy tale,” Ruairi clasped his hands together in a desperate plea.  


“Mmm,” Rian hummed, “Okay, fine, but only because if I don’t you won’t let me read in peace.”  


“Yes! Garden sneak out!” Ruairi pumped his fist into the air, “Rebellion!”  
Rian rolled his eyes but still smiled meekly.

\- x -

Ruairi had made it seem like a garden sneak out was far more dramatic than it actually was. The guards around the castle hardly baited an eye at the two little lords walking through the halls. They didn’t run into anyone who would actually know they were supposed to be studying, much to Ruairi’s disappointment. He wanted a chase scene, he wanted to grab Rian’s hand and dash down corridors, like they did when they were small.  


The castle had been so big then; an entire world just for them. But it wasn’t for them, guards would frown as two children climbed on decorative tables. Maids would shoo them away from the shiny vases. Court officials would scold them for getting under everyone’s feet. Rian was always bashful about their adventures, but Ruairi always pushed him along happily. Partners in crime, after all.  


The garden was their favorite place. Only the gardener ever seemed to be there, so they could run among the flower beds as much as they wanted. They would trample flowers and receive a loud lecture from the gardener about taking care of Erinn and the flowers. Ruairi mostly zoned out during those, while Rian listened intently. The garden also felt plenty of the siblings blood. Rian stumbled many times and scraped his knee.  


“It hurts, Ruairi,” Rian would cry, snot and tears running down his chubby face. Ruairi would look closely at the scrape, which was bleeding all down Rian’s leg.  


“Hey, it’s okay!” Ruairi would soothe, grasping his brother’s small hand in his own equally small hand, “I bet we can get this fixed right up!” Rurai would hosit Rian on his back and carry him inside. Rian would bury his face into Ruairi’s neck and try to dry his tears.  


But, as they grew older, studying became more and more important, and more rigorous to boot. Ruairi was going to be the lord, he had to act like it. Ruairi was more interested in his father smiling when he looked over Ruairi’s tutor’s reports. You are doing well, his father would praise and pat his head.  


They no longer had time to run around in the garden. Ruairi started getting up in the mornings and hiding in the fog, Rian started reading as many books as he could get his hands on. Things move ever onward. But now, Rian and Ruairi were walking out into the muted sun once again.  


Rurai stretched his arms wide, “It’s so nice out!”  


Rian looked around tentatively, then nodded his agreement.  


“The flowers are looking good,” Ruairi pointed to rose bushes growing high. A royal garden had to have rose bushes, after all.  


“I like those,” Rian pointed at a white flower growing in a nearby flower bed, “It’s called Gladiolus, it means strength of character.”  


“Wow, really?” Ruairi leaned down to the petals, “You know so much Rian. Then these flowers are kinda like you, huh? Because, you’ve got a strong character too!”  


Rian’s face flushed slightly and he looked away from Rurai, “More like you,” he mumbled.  


“Mmm, what was that?” Ruairi asked, smug grin conquering his face.  


“You’d be smart to if you actually studied!” Rian said, almost a shout but not quite. Ruairi feigned a hurt look.  


“So, what do roses mean then?” Ruairi pointed back to the bushes.  


“Red roses mean love and romance”  


Rurai nodded, as if struck with the meaning of life. Rian giggled at the pseudo-contemplative face Ruairi was trying very hard to maintain.  


“Did you really not know that?” Rian asked, trying to fend off his giggles.  


“Uh… hey, let’s go over there,” Ruairi pointed to a clearing of grass. The grass looked soft, like you could just lay down on it and be submerged in green, which was Ruairi’s plan.  


Rian smiled in reply, letting Rurai get away with his distraction, and followed Ruairi’s finger to their new study location. He sat down criss cross applesauce. Ruairi made a great show of plopping down on the grass (just as comfortable as he imagined) and putting his head in Rian’s lap.  


“Ruairi,” Rian scrunched his face up.  


“Read me some of your fairy tales,” Ruairi said, closing his eyes.  


“They aren’t fairytales!” Rian said, exasperated, “Well, not all of them.”  


“Why do you like lore so much, anyway,” Ruairi nuzzled the back of his head into Rian’s leg.  


“I think… they’re my weapons,” Rian said, not looking down at his brother.  


“Huh? Like you fight with them?” Ruairi opened his eyes to his brother’s pursed lips.  


“You have swords, right? And fighting? To me, fairy tales-” He shook his head, frowning, “I mean lore, that’s what I care about. It’s interesting. I like it.” They’d grown up from the gardens, Ruairi had gripped onto his sword, Rian his books. What kind of lord would Rian be, if given the chance?  


“We’re supposed to be studying, so read me some of that book,” Ruairi said.  


“Oh, okay,” Rian picked up the top book from the stack he’d sat beside him, “This one is about… The Land of Eternity.”  


“Does it start with once upon a time?” Ruairi asked, grinning.  


“It’s not a fairy tale, it’s lore!” Rian huffed, “But, well I think this one is more of a fairy tale.” Ruairi hummed a questioning sound.  


“Well, The Land of Eternity, it’s called Tir Na Nog, it’s like a legend,” Rian turned each page delicately. He was only ever careful with the most important things, which apparently was books. Ruairi could just feel a hole in his pants from his head resting on them. Ruairi swore Rian ripped his clothes even more than Ruairi did, but of course Ruairi was the one with the reputation. Maybe because Rian didn’t get into yelling matching every chance he got. Ruairi closed his eyes.  


"Tir Na Nog, huh?”  


“Yeah, it’s like suppose to be paradise. But there is tons of debate about whether it’s real or not, it gets really philosophical,” Ruairi could just hear the shine in his brother’s eyes.  


“Paradise? I think I may have found Tir Na Nog then,” Ruairi said softly, so softly Rian didn’t hear him.  


“Tir Na Nog is like the ideal world, and people even dedicate their lives trying to find it. I think it’s really interesting, how just an idea can consume someone’s entire being,” Rian sounded entranced.  


“No one’s ever found it, huh,” Ruairi cracked an eyelid open.  


“It’s not real, Ruairi,” Rian scolded, “It’s just a fairy tale,” Rian stuck his tongue out which caused Ruairi to open his eyes and flick Rian on the leg.  


“Bet I could find it,” Rurai mused, “I’m kinda this amazing warrior… Warrior!” Ruairi sat straight up, making Rian jump.  


“Shit!” Ruairi swore, causing a small gasp from Rian.  


“Ruairi… you cursed!”  


“Shit… I mean crap I’m sorry,” Ruairi said quickly, really hoping Rian wouldn’t tattle on him.  


“That’s really cool,” Rian’s eyes were wide in admiration. Being able to swing a sword with ease didn’t impress him, it was Ruairi’s ability to say a word that caused him to be star struck.  


“I’ve got sword practice,” Ruairi explained while getting up, “I’m probably already late.”  


Sadness flashed across Rian’s face before it was replaced with indifference, “You better go then.” 

Ruairi offered a hand to his little brother and helped him back on his feet.  


“I’ll see you at dinner,” Ruairi promised.  


“I’m sure you’ll make a mess of it, like always” Rian stuck his tongue in his cheek. 

“Not everyone can be a genius at eating like you can, Rian,” Ruairi ruffled Rian’s hair, 

“Don’t study to hard.” 

“I’ll try not to, don’t get lost on your way to paradise,” Rian teased.  


“You joke, but I can do anything if I set my mind to it,” Ruairi called as he dashed away, “Later!” 

Paradise? A sword in his hand, his brother’s smile, his father telling him he’s working hard, no books filled with things he didn’t want to know, fog wrapping around him like a blanket. 

It was already within Ruairi’s grasp.


End file.
